DumpStats voor Langesan

9,802 +10130 -328

Kudos

#7438 (Top 2.7069%)

Kudos/dag 3.07
Kudos/reaguursel 118.1
Meeste kudos op 1 reaguursel 1820
Minste kudos op 1 reaguursel -152

83

Reaguursels

Reaguursels/dag 0.03
Topreaguursels 4
Woorden per reaguursel 23.5
Reacties per reaguursel 0.25
Meeste reaguursels op 1 dag 4
Aantal x weggejorist 2
Gestart op 23-02-2016

Kudoverloop over tijd

-152 kudos 2016-11-18 21:21:49 op Goud is lastig
mwah, was nog steeds kut

-24 kudos 2016-12-09 11:45:27 op Gezicht waxen
Na het lezen van dit verhaal heb ik besloten het nooit te doen.\r
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I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.\r
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No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can?t-Be-Flushed threshold.\r
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I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. ?Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don?t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!? I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. ?How many Indians could there be?? said by General Custer. ?Looks like a good day for a drive!? by JFK. ?There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!? by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.\r
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I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.\r
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Little did I know.\r
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I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.\r
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Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic $!@%- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky $!@%/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.\r
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Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: ?It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.?\r
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Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.\r
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As if that wasnt enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn?t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.\r
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Friends, DONT SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

-14 kudos 2016-03-16 16:11:45 op Geen rokjes meer
@ Baas van de straat | 16-03-16 @ 16:08 |
Dat meisje op de 1e foto mij ook.

-8 kudos 2016-04-28 20:25:09 op Fantastisch geprobeerd
@68Charger | 28-04-16 @ 20:17
Ik denk dat ze het zelfs verstaan

-7 kudos 2016-10-27 13:13:19 op Prio1 haalt verwarde man uit huis
Ik wilde inderdaad grappig doen. Afmeting van m'n brein is prima in orde, al moet ik toegeven dat ik beter eerst de video had kunnen afkijken voordat ik reaguurde.

-5 kudos 2016-03-02 23:44:53 op Nieuwe held!
Maurice van Berkel labeltje gemist jongens?

-1 kudos 2016-05-31 17:54:23 op Final shot van vandaag
@frambes | 31-05-16 @ 17:46
Ik doe bij deze afstand van het gedrag van mijn mede-zwitsal.

0 kudos 2017-01-31 00:01:07 op Betrapt flapoor!
@Sodejui Gezien de boodschap van hammar63 denk ik dat het naar zijn mening effectiever is om anderen aan te zetten tot zelfmoord.

2 kudos 2016-10-04 13:19:00 op Wake Up!
-weggejorist-

3 kudos 2016-09-28 14:13:41 op Bart Smit?!
Oké is goed

3 kudos 2016-04-24 23:52:30 op Geer & Goor zoeken een nieuw bestaan
Wel mooi om zo het contrast te zien tussen de onzin die die twee uitkramen en wat anderen (het beeld) bereiken in de tussentijd.

6 kudos 2017-01-22 23:07:01 op Vrouwtje flipt hem
Als alles om je heen stinkt naar poep, is het tijd om onder je schoenen te kijken.

7 kudos 2016-03-11 17:25:12 op Zo pak je homohaters aan
@Exteronaldus | 11-03-16 @ 17:08

Cousins, eigenlijk. Maar vooruit.

9 kudos 2016-05-31 17:52:28 op Freerunnen door Rotterdam
Chase moet gewoon even op het knopje drukken. De opstapje is nog uitgeschoven, dus de deur kan nog open.

9 kudos 2016-05-31 20:36:28 op De Young Goons
@thumor | 31-05-16 @ 20:07
Lulkoek, dat las je net op reddit.

11 kudos 2017-01-25 19:34:07 op Vloggers trollen
Ook mensen uit bepaalde vakgebieden komen veel samen op Twitter, zoals bijvoorbeeld journalisten, designers en developers. Daarnaast is het ook een van de snelste manieren om reacties te krijgen van bedrijven.

11 kudos 2016-12-14 23:58:09 op Nieuwe beelden New Kids 3!!!
Je krijgt feedback in de vorm van een minnetje. Als je te onnozel bent om je te realiseren waarom je die minnetjes krijgt, dan kun je beter terug naar Bokt.

12 kudos 2016-10-07 09:46:54 op 500 planten in je mini-appartement
2016. Het jaar waarin iedereen met een relatief extravagante hobby populair is op Instagram. Wat kut zeg.

13 kudos 2016-03-20 10:54:42 op Stagiair bij Brabant Sport
Lijkt me klote als je als baan dingen op teletekst moet zetten. Maar ja, werkende medemens altijd +1

13 kudos 2016-03-09 15:17:33 op Meer van Hilmano
Een nummertje samen met Typhoon zou ook niet misstaan.

14 kudos 2017-01-04 17:31:18 op Meeuwen slopen
Misschien kun je voordat je je rijbewijs haalt ook even een opfriscursus Nederlandse Taal volgen.

18 kudos 2016-06-09 20:59:55 op Ff bijtanken
Zag 'm gisteren staan op Schiphol. Mooi vliegtuig wel!

19 kudos 2016-03-06 21:05:32 op Dumpert speelgoed
@ Lets,get,some,Weed. | 06-03-16 @ 20:20
Wij niet.

22 kudos 2016-11-27 13:45:51 op Tanken zonder armen
Het inknijpen (is dat een woord?) van die hendel zou hier Europa wel een stukkie lastiger worden.

27 kudos 2016-03-15 11:18:48 op Longboarder knuffelt auto
Zulke mensen verpesten het altijd voor degenen die hun sport wel verantwoord beoefenen. Meeste downhill longboarders hebben onderweg een aantal 'spotters' staan die waarschuwen voor auto's.

30 kudos 2016-04-09 14:20:29 op Dronken man in Chevrolet 1966
@artijn | 09-04-16 @ 13:58
Ik bedoel niet de verkeersslachtoffers of überhaupt rijden onder invloed, maar de auto's, de nette stemmen, het feit dat meneer gewoon mee werkt zonder mopperen en dat de alcoholtest wordt gedaan door over een stoeprandje te lopen.